Clearly, throughout my whole life i've tried to be a little more gangsta, a little mo' thug - get my 2pac ON. Recently, i've been feelin' like i'm on the brink of raisin' my O.G. status to unknown heights, about to make some new gangsta-gangsta fraaaandz, feelin' like i'm finally be gettin' my thuuuug on.
Here's how it's done....
See, what i'm gunna do first, is be from a small town, with no urban area, whatsoever.
"Projects? Like, the ones you do in school?"
No, fool, the housing systems.
Then, i'm going to study my gansta ass off, watchin' music videos, and do what these TV gangsta's be derrrn.
"Yo dawwwwwg, pink is the new G shit. You see dat new Camron joint? Let's go see what pink shirts ya mamzz got."
And only THEN, will I go buy my first pair of URR FORCES and completely misunderstand the POINT OF THE SHOE GAME... hold up, this shit bothers me, so lemme explain...
SHOES:
If you're gunna buy a pair of fresh white shoes. The intention, is to keep them white, if you're on foot patrol, walkin' all damn day, in your fresh whites, then you're retarded, because THEN, you're gunna go try and stunt ( only learning that word on UrbanDictionary.com ) with some gnarly scuffed up, raggedy ass lookin' ( what once were...) whites... Off white with some mud on the side is not gangsta.
Anyway...
AFTER THAT, i'ma find me a group of people who be feelin' the gangsta in their veins, too. ( There's a profound difference in being uneducated, and being urban or being a gaaangsta. Mmmk.? ) Because see, evidently, from watching this fuckery in my area, these people feel more comfortable in their fuckery, if they have a group of other ingrates who do that same fraudulent shit WITH them.... idiots.... THEN, i'm a find me a yelllla-bone ( and not know what that means ) and WIFE HER UP.... ( Oh God, here I go... )
If you meet a girl who is proud of their hoodrat, 'let's go to jail and be away from my kids for social status,' types? The 'im up in the club 4 nights a week, with babies at home,' types, the 'yeah, i fucked ALL your homies, but I really love you,' types, the 'I don't need a edge-a-ma-kay-shun, i'ma just strip cuz I gotta nice bawwwwdy,' types? RUN. But ONLY if you're trying to be a gangsta, those the types of broads you're gunna need. AND ONLY THEN, what you're gunna need to do, is take the 3 $20 bills you and your homies collectively "hustle & grinded," for, and you need to turn two of them into ones, and put one twenty on the outside, and put it in a "rubber band," because "Yo, mah manz, I saw that shit on T.I's new shit," - take some pictures with your, "ride or dieeeee," peoples, and PUT THAT SHIT ON FACEBOOK..
Because THAT'S GANGSTA...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....
This shit has bothered me since I moved here. Bothered me and also, been a source of comedy. Ain't shit cute about how oblivious people are to just how big of a DOUCHE BAG this shit makes them look. Hey, have fun runnin' your hood and "knuckin' if you buck." LOL.
Point Made. Nuff Said.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
How To Be a Gangsta.
"Did I Just Hit Menopause? Bunions?"
"On the Other Side to 30...."
2 Things i've noticed, or have otherwise pissed
me off, personally, or not, on the road to 30.
Calvin and I constantly notice things that happen in our lives, and even in our opinions, where we're frequently saying, "AH, headin' to 30..." Admittedly, the shit is generally hilarious, and sometimes, it's just things we see, and fuckery that needs to be shared because i'm certain others feel the same way.
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"Did I just hit menopause waitin' in line at Walmart?"
I don't know if it's because I straight up despise going to Walmart, or places similar. I don't know if there is some radar that watches me and as soon as I get in line, the heat starts blasting, on some excessive level. I honestly can't tell you. What I can tell you, is it get's MF'er hot, out of nowhere when i'm IN LINE. I don't know if i'm that damn impatient that it causes anger to run through my veins and then soon after I get bitch smacked with a hotflash. I don't know what it is about waiting in line that makes me get so damn heated. ( Not mad, but straight up - temperature. ) It's annoying to me, because I can feel myself get all red faced, and at most times I figure I just got menopause.
"Wait, what the fuck is a bunion? There just isn't anything cute about that life."
Things that used to be funny, aren't. And opinions I used to have, changed. It's called growing up, but check it out, there's a profound difference in, "growing up," and "getting older." Argue with that if you please, but you'll lose.
Waking up with back aches, your hearing being absolutely not dependable ( got you hearin' shit that doesn't even make sense.. ) Got your face all up in the steering wheel, because you can't see for shit, and are convinced every MF'er has their brights on... they don't. One day noticing a vein that you'd never noticed... ( Which happened to me earlier this year, and all I could think of was those elderly women that got a gang of 'em, and I bet she had a moment when she noticed her 1st crazy protruding vein comin' out her shin bone... I hate that shit. ) The list goes ON... Waking up in the middle of the night otherwise, you, at that age, will have an, "accident," - missing what a "full nights sleep was," - ( Better not be drinking liquid after 7pm, fool! ) Having a severe pain in you foot, googlin' what the fuck it is, learning it's a bunion while you're Mother laughs at you, in a way that just isn't funny to you AT ALL. "The fuck you mean a bunion?"
Anyway, sure, these things come with age. But, uhhhh - some other shit comes with growing up. For example, things that used to be funny to me, especially when it comes to people and their lives, just aren't funny now. I wasn't entirely sure I was capable of empathy, but turns out? I am. I feel bad for people, but not enough to jump on a wagon of excuses they have, with them. It's just, damn, it's gotta suck to have such a mind set. At any rate, I enjoy the changes that have been coming, but the physical ones? Can eat shit.
Point Made.
PSA : Mine.
****PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT****
My friends have always generally appreciated my words of wisdom, fuckery & opinions. I have often been told that I am pretty insightful and should "write a book," or share my crazy thought processes with others. Since shutting my blog down, forever ago, and years of harassment, I took their advice and set this site up. Think of it as a place to share opinions where mine is always heard the loudest and is always right. If you want your opinions heard, or to knock mine? Make your own. Very simple. And really, if my blog bothers you that much, comment or just stop visiting. It's just not that serious.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Monday : Dog Shit.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
In the meantime....
So, I always have this little, "thinking session," before I go to sleep. Ah, i'm full of shit, it's never, "little," it's that, "whyyyy am I still thinking about this shit," kinda situation, lol. Anyway, being as there is no switch to shut my mind up, or duct tape to do the trick. I gotta put it somewhere. In fact, this blog ( and past blogs/journals ) has been a revelation to me, well, one revelation after another. I strongly suggest everyone try it, at least once. Privately, or publicly.
Let's get down on some random musings....
- I've missed out on A LOT of good things in my life. Both good things, and good people. Either by shutting people out, or just being so consumed with insane amounts of bullshit that my focus was so clouded, that I didn't even realize how much life was passing me by. It's never a "feel good," thing to know you literally, watched good things pass. "The beauty of hindsight," right? Ugh. In recent months i've put a lot of focus into the good in my life, and i'm happy to say that i've progressed greatly in that part of my life. Being aware, is something I generally always am. But, there's a difference in being aware of certain chosen things/people, instead of the entire sha-bang. I won't twist that up ever again in this life, I refuse to. I planned on practicing what I preach, long ago and i've been doin' that. So, go me. But, damn - i'm faced with 1 of 2 choices - I can be pissed and salty about what i've missed out on, or I can be elated that my awareness is so on point, that I can see clearrrrly nowwww the raaaain is gone. ( breaking into song is my thing, don't you judge me, lol. )
Anyway, I just got lethargic on this blog, lol. Which I find this frequent lethargicness to be utter shit, lol.
In the meantime, be fearless, fools!
- Courtney.
Types of Dumb Bitches.
Bitches.
( Evidently, it's vital to keep people caught up in excessive messes of drama, in order to avoid people sitting back and assessing why in the fuck and more importantly WHERE in the fuck the drama initially began. I mean, clearly, it's easier to ensure people stay caught up in the "he-said, she-said," that you, yourself instigated, other than ya know, looking honestly at your damn self, accepting responsibility for your actions, chocies and behavior, working on YOUR OWN damn issues, and other such wastes of time. ( Because if you haven't managed to make the most essential changes to yourself by now? You're fucked. )
How do you do it? How do you keep track of all the lies, rationalizations and bullshit? How do you still manage to feel sorry for yourself and attempt to play the fucking martyr? You have really fucked up some relationships. Maxed the drama the fuuuuuck out, played on peoples' pride. Cast yourself as the Victim and/or the Informer. Leaving the role of your faults to the rest of us. ( You know, the ones you colossally fucked over and can't seem to take accountability for, just lettin' everyone else deal with what you've started? Yeah, us, over here. The few you had left? ) I give you little fucking credit - it's not that hard in these parts to ensure people stay caught up in endless triangles and fucking octagons of drama, so that nobody goes back to the Informer - you. Awesome techniques, you've mastered them quite well. It's unfortunate that's like, one of the few things you're good at in life - being fucking drama. So, get out a notebook, bitches - I lost my patience with all of this, and the attention ya'll clearly desire? I'm ready to dish. TAKE NOTES!!
Dumb Bitches piss me off....
I know, I know, "Courtney, there are so many kinds of dumb bitches in the World, what kind are you actually referring to?"
Ah, well, I will tell you....
Dumb Bitches who Lie ALL THE DAMN TIME:
Listen up!! You may think you're good at this lying thing, ya'll. But, somebody needs to tell you, you truly aren't. Now that i've made you aware of this, check it out - you didn't outsmart anybody. You may have been able to manipulate some, temporarily. That being said, fact remains - you didn't effectively outsmart not one motherfucker. Period. Everybody has known you're a lying sack of shit for years. But, people who developed actual love for you, made the wrong choice to over look it, and when you weren't around, even have conversations about "damn, why do we enable it??" Well, because if anybody challenged your ass, you'd be offended and start on some pity me rant, and unfortunately, people had trusted you over the years, and you've proved time and time again how "loose lips sink ships," and nobody wanted their ships sank by your ass. Fortunately for us, you've made enough mistakes that not many believe you when you're telling the truth. ( Talk about "a child called wolf," or a "pathological liar named _____ ." ) Yeah. For years, we'd watch you tell 2 out of 5 of us, one story. Then, the other 2, a different one, and the last 1 a totally ass backwards version. We all accepted your lyin' ass ANYWAY. You managed to fuck that up because you really thought you were outsmarting people. You weren't.
Dumb Bitches who Claim to be "Grown.":
Sure, we all define "grown," differently. But, no matter which way you fuckin' slice that shit, some of y'alls definitions? Are realistically FALSE, theoretically FALSE and text book FALSE. No, it is NOT grown to not live by "actions speak louder than words." ( Stop actin' like someone you're not, i'll get to that next. ) No, it is NOT grown to not hold yourself accountable for a mistake or assumption YOU made. Nobody forced any motherfucker to assume not a damn thing. No, it is NOT fucking grown to claim to be grown, but them be on some fuckery that we ALL experienced in junior high/high school. NO, it is not GROWN to want to have a physical fight around children. NO, it is NOT grown to not be able to man up. NO, it is NOT grown to avoid admitting your wrong, but instead get angry and want to blame somebody else and toss around threats. "I'm grown, no more talking, I handle business." So many things wrong with that sentence in itself. Seriously. No, it is NOT grown to feel validated as a female, by playing the Tiffany Tough Tits role and just because your general size is bigger than the girl your threatening that somehow makes you feel like a bad bitch. It is NOT grown to not be able to have a conversation about a situation, before jumping to harassing phone calls and fuckery. NO, it is NOT grown to fucking believe every fucking thing you hear. You'd think some of ya'll would be a little more selective. Bottom line? If the same fuckery you're pulling now, is the same order of actions you played out while you were in high school? Please tell me how the fuck that makes you grown? Can't argue with that, can you? Nah, you can't.
Dumb Bitches who Fake the Funk About who they are:
Yo, this is NOT Broadway, this is not a fucking casting call. Cut the bullshit, already. It's PAINFULLY obvious you are NOT who you try to come off as being. It's like, horrifically comical. And also, somebody needs to tell you NOBODY BUYS IT. Again, since I have NOW informed you - check THIS out - words, words, words, words, words BULLSHIT. Since when is SAYING you're something MAKE you something? Nah, it doesn't. You may have newbies fooled, but "this side," of things have known for years that challenging your act, will just cause us to suffer more of your bullshit stories that NEVER happened. ( Like, no you've never been stabbed, no you've never been shot, lol. Fucking hilarious. And just because you were born somewhere? But lives there for 2 in a half seconds? Does NOT mean you can claim that area as "your hood," LMAO. ) Seriously, channel that fuckery towards an acting career. Or hit up a therapist.
Dumb Bitches who want to say Racist and/or Homophobic Shit:
1, it's 2012 ( & as noted by my BFF ) Calling a grown gay man a fag? Did you really think that was the 1st time that fuckery has been slung at him? You're super original ( & so grown, lmao. ) No, no - it was "retarded fag ass," is what this female said. Yeah, the one that claims to be "so grown." Fucking ridiculous. All I have to say about this topic is it's fucking stupid, it's bullshit. Clearly, ya'll lack the brain capacity to come up with something other than THAT bullshit. Work on that, though. Improve your verbal lashing, because it does nothing for you.
Dumb Bitches who CANNOT take Accountability:
Fact is, sometimes, we're wrong, and sometimes we make the wrong choices or do stupid shit. For the love of God, Mary & JOSEPH, just admit you're fucking wrong. It's really that simple. If i'm wrong, I can admit it. If I do some fucked up shit, I can own it AND apologize. Trust, that doesn't mean I like to apologize, but I will. Because i'm not blinded by fucking delusional bullshit that i'm high and mighty and can DO NO WRONG. Those of you that are clearly blinded STAY doing wrong, and foul ass shit. And people that matter in the world, will never respect that in a female. ( But ya'll probably already know that whole not being respected bit right? Right. )
Dumb Bitches who Whore it out, but want "real love."
This is that shit that makes me laugh, in a horrific kind of way. Like, "hardy har har, bitches -" can you really not see why that "real love," doesn't come your way.... ever? I'll tell you, it's because you're a whore. I mean, well - do whores get paid? Because ya'll don't get paid. So. Hm... whatever the case is, when you parade yourself around a group of guys, cousins, whatthefuckever, volunteering your vagina to straight UP charity case type dudes - you've become, "that girl." None of them will "love you," especially when you're the girl all their friends ran through before they got to you. The decline of females is disgusting Which brings me to the types of hoes that set out to methodically sabotage relationships by being a whore - you types? I hope you guys rot. That's all I got. LOL.
________________________________
I'll put it like this, i'm over sittin' around and every fucking day hearing new details to this mess of a situation that ONE solitary bitch started, and another jumped on the band wagon, believing every word like it's fucking gospel - thinking everything and every word is meant for them, when it never was. I'm over bitches thinking that threatening me with physical harm is going to stop me from showing MY face. Nah, go ahead, put your hands on me, if that makes you feel like your ovaries are pumpin'. It will NEVER change the fact that your choices have categorized you as everything I AM NOT, and everything I will NEVER be. I'm good with that, in fact, i'm THANKFUL I can't and never will be able to be classified with ya'll bitches. Period.
I am THANKFUL that the few in my life love and respect me. I am THANKFUL that I am a female who can admit her wrongs, knows her faults, can man the fuck up, and methodically chooses my words so they don't come and bite me in the ass later. I'm THANKFUL that i've made mistakes and have been able to learn from them, rather than keep making them, and end up with NO DAMN BODY that gives a REAL fuck about me. I'm THANKFUL I don't have to question the validity of the people I CHOOSE to have in my life. I am THANKFUL that the few in my life don't INTENTIONALLY put me into dramatic ass situations and then leave me high and dry to deal with on my own. I am THANKFUL that I can wake up and go to sleep without thinking about ya'lls asses. The attention ya'll wanted, i'm giving you. And this blog will be all this FEMALE will write. Have your hot flashes, get all angry, make your phone calls, hit me up with your threats.
Understand, I am NOT that bitch that will stay quiet for too long while I got ingrates slinging lies and threats my way. I know MY worth as a female, and i'm not about to let no dumb ass bitches think they are superior over me, because face the facts, my actions, choices and words? Differ GREATLY from what I noted above. I don't have to prove to no motherfucker what kind of female I am. I don't have to use my words to prove to any bitch that i'm any type of female. The people that KNOW me, KNOW me. I don't gotta prove shit. Sorry that ya'll feel the need to. I don't need to act a fuckin' fool to feel validated by any damn body. Trust that. Unfortunately, if some could carry a grown conversation, with their "grown," asses, this would of NEVER gotten to this point. But no, ya'll wanna keep it on the fucking internet, so here ya go - believe me, if you were capable of having a grown ass sit down, without getting all fucking belligerent and shit? It would of already happened. BUt ya'll done proved ya'll can't.... sad, really. It's gotta suck, waking up, every day, knowing you gotta PROVE yourself to people you don't even know, or haven't known for too long. Instead of building and/or mending shit, ya'll just wanna make it worse, and stay making toxic ass choices. Ya'lls loss all motherfuckin' day. I won't sit here and wish the best for none of ya'll. Nah, i'm all set. Some people cannot be helped, and some people and their UNDESERVED pride cannot be moved out the damn way, for any bit of sense to get through to them.
I am THANKFUL to be me.
Can I get an AMEN?
Yeah.
In the unlikely event you feel that you can have a grown conversation to effectively deal with any of the drama? Hit me up. If you feel that you can hold yourself accountable for what you've allowed this to become? Hit me up. If you can define "grown," differently, and speak NOTHING but the truth? Hit me up. But, uhhh, I doubt it, and if not? I could give a fuck. Ya'll types aren't the types I want in my present or future, and I definitely don't want my daughter around this type of fuckery. I refuse to have these types in my circle, anyway. So, we can all agree to disagree. But, those that aren't completely oblivious to life? Were already aware of everything I just said, trust me - I know for a fact. So, while ya'll continue trying to prove and plead your cases? Understand NOBODY buys it, you're just tolerated until you don't have to be anymore. I will gladly take these FACTS down, as soon as my name stops being slung around, it can get worse. My verbal swag is something ya'll could never compete with, or respond to, legitimately. Another fact. Deal with it, if you don't want this type of attention, then STOP WITH THE FUCKERY ALREADY, let that shit DIE - believe me, as soon as ya'll stop with the excessive fucking lame bullshit? The rest will cease too. Yes, that would mean this attention for ya'll would stop to, and you wouldn't be as relevant but THAT IS OKAY. I'd commend ya'll for making that choice. Again, hit me up with questions and or concerns.
Or don't.
Friday, October 5, 2012
3 Lessons I wish i'd learned earlier in life.
3 Lessons I wish i'd learned earlier in life.
1 - Your Credit Score.
I think one of my many awesome suggestions for child molding, should involve some knowledge and well, some fear about *dun dun dunnnnn* CREDIT. I mean, let's be serious. A good percentage of teenagers are like, "So, you're going to give me this card, with this limit, and I can walk out with this TA-DAY? GettttTheFuckOuttaHeaaaa." LOL. I think if, as kids, it's drilled into their minds how so very important keeping your credit straight IS, then that would really help 'em out in the future. Because once it's fucked, it's really just not an easy task to fix. Shit, I think it should be mandatory in schools to learn about it, early on, and throughout school. Hey,l just a suggestion. But, it's something I wish I knew and feared years ago. I've never had a credit card ( and let's thank Jesus for that. ) but i've done my store card shit, and it wasn't a good idea.
2 - "How they treat you, is how they feel about you."
They say everyone deserves 2nd chances. And well, no, they actually don't. Not for everything. See, yes, people make mistakes, and in life, or jobs, and choices, in a lot of cases, yes you do deserve a 2nd chance, as long as you're willing to make changes, chances should definitely be readily available, BUT - when it's chances you're giving to another person who has exhibited pure recklessness TOWARDS your life? No, they just don't. No, it's not "3 strikes you're out," it's "Well, ya fucked that up." People just don't go around hurting eachother on accident. We're adults. It's a choice, it's a choice to put yourself in a position to do so. If they keep treating you like shit, then that's purely how they feel about you. Words mean shit. Actions always speak volumes much higher than the bullshit that can be spewed from the mouths of others. "Why do they treat me so badly?" Because they want to. They choose to, and that's that.
3 - Trust, the right way.
For SO LONG I was the person, like many others, who would say, "i'll trust you, until you give me a reason not to." Well, that's all wrong. Years ago, I realized it's "I don't trust you, until you give me a reason TO trust you." It just works way better. If I would of adapted to this thought process way before I did, it would of truly avoided me so much fuckery, I can't even BE-GIN to tell you just how much shit i'd of avoided. In fact, just trusting people, is one of the most ridiculously careless things to do! ( Yeah i'm over here sounding like i've got some trust issues, and best fuckin' believe, I got 'em. I own it, and i'll keep 'em. ) Learning it earlier in life would of definitely benefited my future, on all ends.
_____________________
Well, that's all I got this morning.
Gunna go play some Bingo and figure my weekend out.
Enjoy it, all!
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Intuition? Fuuuck.
"Don't call it, "intuition," when really, it's just you being able to recognize a continuing pattern of ultimately what, "always," does happen. Calling it, "intuition," will otherwise take from what intuitive abilities you may already have....."
^^^ I started that the other day, and got straight up writers block... lol. I knew it was heading somewhere, but I went completely blank. The tables keep turning, far too frequently lately, it's so weird. I mean, i'm on the better side of the table, but still - I embrace change and everything, but so much at once has kept me with a lingering fucking headache, and I have to literally force myself to stop thinking so negatively. It is what it is, is some easy shit to say, but meaning it? I can't.
I'm extremely fed up, with so many aspects of my life, and even "daydreaming," on the changes I will make, pisses me off. Because damn it, the emotional side of things has a fucking death grip on my movements right now, well - has for... longer than I care to admit. How do you shut that shit the fuck off?
Anyway, quick rant - Gotta get my child from school.
Today can already kiss my ass. But, i'm sure she'll make it better.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Reality. Do you have a grip on it?
And being single, as in, literally, noone, nothing, nada - is good for the soul. I'm not anti-relationships, believe that, i'm not - but i'd rather believe in the gnarly ugly and repulsive truth, than the beautiful lies/delusions right now. My day will come..... maybe. But my breath is definitely NOT being held. Refusing to, "settle for less," anymore essentially slams the door shut on possibilities of love & all things mushy. Again, i'm okay with that, too. FACT is, whores are PLENTIFUL and lies are still too common. Two things that never seem to change. There is always some disgusting excuse for a female, ready, willing and excited to homewreck and always that guy, who acts like he was manipulated, or accidently fell into some vagina. What happened to accountability? Because lately? I've seen NONE. I can admit, i've been a love starved cow settling for that type of fuckery. Allowing it into my life, for a very long time, on different levels. My forgiveness and chances just aren't in my vocabulary anymore. "How they treat you, is how they feel about you." That type of fuckery is that kind of shit that has the potential to destroy the progress i've made with MYSELF. Letting these types of situations continually occur within the walls of MY World, could literally sabotage every step forward i've made since January. And um, no - I can't allow that to happen. I can't allow anybody to play that kind of power position in my life, because it's so risky, and not worth losing who I am over.
Thing is, I shouldn't have to feel like I have to build walls, against the actions the ones I love in my life, choose to take. That just isn't right, it's not kosher, and I just can't.
Don't get me wrong, stupid shit presents itself to me, but it's not my choices bringing the fuckery into my lane. Anyway, I don't want people in my bubble who conform and act submissive, don't express themselves, don't even have it in them to be their own advocate for their lives and prefer misery over change. I can't play, "Dr.Phil," for people anymore - i've been taking care of ME and my mind set ALL YEAR, and literally, I can't really help anybody to change their lives, they have to want it.
And most times, I'm trying to convince people that their better than they're treating themselves, and it's almost like, they know i'll be the positivity they need, only to turn around and take none of my advice and then weeks/months later, think i'm going to hold them down when they find themselves in another self-induced miserable situation. I CAN'T. I can only have people in my life that have ambition. Spending time with people that have no ambition and absolutely no drive to succeed in life? Never a good idea, because you wind up turning into that in certain ways, and again, it's something too fuckin' risky. I have zero interest. If one can't accept that, feel real fuckin' free to vacate the premises. Trust me, I don't want or need anyone elses apparently embraced negativity. Especially, when it's taken me years to come to grips with the mistakes i've made towards my own life, with myself accepting so much negativity - I can't offer you anything more, I won't confine myself to anything less - I am who I am, and I can't let stupid shit in.
