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- Courtney.

Verbal Release....

Coming Soon....

Waaaatch out, now!

"The War on Hoes."

"Scallywags & TwatWaffles."

PSA : Language is, "foul," - to some. I make no apologies.

If folks want to provoke some verbal ammo from me, by choosing to cure their boredom by an apparent attempt at mastering foolery? Then, here I fuckin' go.  This one is pretty clearly personal. This is me, gettin' all, "fuck ya'll hoes," over a variety of different situations. Fact is, i'm going to re-affirm that I don't like hoes or those who support and enable hoes and I don't need anybody to agree with me, I know i'm right. So, yeah. This particular blog will be some entertaining shit for my spectators. Shit's about to get real....Get cha some popcorn.

Two things that will never change? The drug problem in America, and the over abundance of hoes. See, when it comes to hoes - you have to know how to protect yourself, the people around you and your situations from them. If you don't know how, and the people around you either don't know how, or just don't want to know how - then enjoy all the fuckery infested booshwa at your door step. I'm not so concerned with the, "War Against Drugs," - i'll let the government keep brainstorming to cease something that helped create & that will never end. I'm more concerned with the, "War on Hoes..."

In order for a broad to earn her title as a hoe, she has to focus on her hoe activity. ( LUDAAA! lol. ) In order for a broad to earn her title as home wrecker, she has to pop into someone elses relationship, and someone IN that relationship has to permit her to do so. ( Which makes these silly bitches feel validated and victorious, but what did they really accomplish? What did they really win? I hope they didn't think it was respect or good karma. ) In the, "War on Hoes," you first have to grasp that hoes have a particular set of skills, skills that you have to be educated on, otherwise you'll never be able to protect yourself from them. You have to have a zero tolerance for hoes, and not let people have a direct influence on your life that embrace or accept hoes as people. They're the type of breed that's only source of self esteem, comes from the attention that any man, of any relationship status, will give her, vaginally. So, if your man can't repel these hoes? Then you need to repel that man. You have to want to ward off hoes, to ward off hoes. And anybody keeping a door open for hoes to effect your life, is an accomplice to the charge of fuckery WITH these smut buckets & are pro-hoes. & kindly get THEE FUCK outta here with that shit.

In terms of having a relationship, hoes can never be tolerated - ever. If you let some shit slide in your relationship, that has anything to do with a hoe? Thank yourself, because as soon as you do that, it's like a radar goes off to the rest of their kind, almost like a repulsive mating call, and the rest of 'em will come runnin' like a junkie for attention, too. That's what's so twisted about hoes. They don't set out to find somebody to love, someone to call their own - they set out to get temporary attention, sexually, and in hopes of robbing others of happiness, by playing a position in a relationship they were never genuinely welcomed into. It's sick really. As a woman, even having friends that are hoes, is a danger. Because it happens, you can turn your back for 2 seconds, and next thing you know that friend, became that hoe, who is trying to get at your man. There's too many anonymous hoes already. So, don't invite more of 'em into your World. 

In a majority of cases, it's a man that is fucking stupid & drops their guard and let's these hoes hoe-y-ness into their relationships. No, not because he wants to be with her, but because hoes know how to play with a mans head, and yeah, some of 'em just couldn't grasp loyalty if it would save the world. The thing about the men that feel validated by the attention they get from these hoes is - they don't realize the attention they're getting, a fuck load of other dudes have got too. Do they really think they're the only one getting attention from that bitch? Or the only one who was all up in it, that week? Fuck, that day? It's like two species infested with insecurity blending, it's fucking gross. And it's pathetic. It's very simple - hoes can't be trusted. No, they can't be good friends. No, they don't all of a sudden walk away from the hoe life... Fuckin' dick junkies.

Know what? "Smut," is a more appropriate word, because these bitches volunteer their shit, FREELY. Like, soup kitchens. Word. If a woman can't respect herself enough to hold herself in a higher regard? Than us other women, have no use for them. We just have to know how to point 'em out, recognize them and be aware of those types of men that help 'em along. None of them are the types of people you want in your life. As we get older, we have enough trials and tribulations without having to deal with people who authentically set out to make our lives harder. These dudes can save that shit for the next bitch, and these bitches can save that shit for a dumb bitch. Because it ain't us. 

Ultimately, i've dealt with my fair share of hoes & I think they should all be burned at the stake, like the Witch trials. Or, I think they should market themselves, because there is enough insecure and ignorant men to pump both their ego & they're va-jay - and there should be a "hoe tax," which should go towards the deficit & at least hoes would be good for something..... 

Like I said, two things that will never change - America's drug problem and the over abundance of hoes. HOWEVER, being part of the, "War on Hoes," is vital to your life and your health, and if you don't squad up, and rise up against these types of disgusting people? Then, that's your bad. I wish you all the best of luck, and remember - they are the enemy. LOL.

"The Power of Lessons Learned."

"The Power of Lessons Learned."

     Different situations/experiences offer different lessons. It's up to you on whether you're willing to learn those lessons and apply them. I've learned over the years that I would continually make the same certain mistakes, and expect different results. ( Which Albert fucking Einstein said is the definition of insanity, so there ya have it. ) If you expect to make progress as a person, in your life, in any area, you have to be willing to learn and have to be willing to change. However, something you don't have to necessarily do, is force yourself to adapt to something that you don't agree with or want happening to you, or to your life.

   That being said, "hoping for the best," sometimes can literally be, "hoping for a miracle," and you are never doing a service to yourself by ignoring the reality in front of your face. It's never beneficial to instill deeply rooted beliefs into people, ideas, things or desires that haven't shown you that it's realistic to drop those beliefs on. I'm not saying that people, or even that I am wrong for doing this, because let's just face it, matters of the heart can put people in lengthy time frames of hope, delusional hope, really. We're all guilty of letting hope overpower our sense. Simply, "hoping for the best," for too long, on something that isn't even making progress? Has BIG potential to fuck your mind up, and certain aspects of who you are, as a whole. 

Depending on how deep the situation is. The power of learning lessons, is exactly that - POWER. Through learning, you're able to apply the changes, from the mistake, or off choice that led you to learn that particular lesson. If you so choose to not learn a motherfuckin' thing - than expect to make that same mistake, repetitively, for only God knows how long. 

When it comes to matters of the heart, I am under no delusions. I spent years in "hoping for the best," and then have gradually learned over the years, that the heart and mind are supposed to work together, alongside reality - NOT separately. No optimism, no pessimism. Just stay far away from letting those pesky delusions and daydreams conquer the realism that you truly receive when your heart and mind work together. That being said....

The general example is a hot stove, if you touch it once, you know it's hot, you don't do it again. I think it's a lame ass example, because yeah it's a fuckin' stove, and who wants to burn the fuck outta their hand, anyway? See, in that case, I say that some of us, those of us that are more stubborn to accept things than others? See, we will KEEP touching the "stove," just to make SURE it's still hot, and still going to hurt us....Put it this way, me & that stove? We aren't cool, anymore. I've finally learned that nothing I will ever do, in this life, or any other life, will change the fact that it's ohfuckingshitHOT - and that stove can't help but to BE hot and hurt me, because that's what the fuck it does.... 

I shouldn't of used the stove example, because stoves help me make bangin' as food, so they do serve a purpose, and now i'm over here thinkin' about food, and not life lessons, and well.... fuck, LOL.

THE POINT FUCKIN' IS - 

It's ALWAYS in your best interest to learn the lesson in front of you as they come and IMMEDIATELY apply what you learned from it, to your life. It's ALWAYS in your best interest to stay realistic, no matter what & keep the "hoping," elsewhere, and ALWAYS make sure your mind & heart are working TOGETHER, because it's when they're working separately that shit gets clusterfucked. If the same shit keeps happening to you, to your life? You keep letting it. If you're unhappy? Then you have to change that. If you're holding out, "hoping," for somebody to change, because in your mind, "that'll fix everything," - than you're in for a long ass ride of disappointment. I'm speaking from a position of knowledge, people. I don't say this shit because i'm trying to Dr. Phil not one of ya'll - I say it because it's my truth. Moving forward is some easy shit to want, we all want that - but it's even easier to stay in stagnant water because hope has you stuck in concrete . Stay realistic, learn the lessons, no matter how good or bad it may make you feel, and simplify your life. Nobody can do that shit for you, so quit your bitchin'.

"Empowering Minds of Women."

"Empowering Minds of Women."


Lets get serious on this one....


     It's so easy for people to get caught up in the drama, and situations that different females offer each other  Pure fuckery, with basic bitches. We've all dealt with it. But, if you're not careful, you may wind up completely shutting out all females, and then never get to experience the bonds that women can have with each other  when they're able to get passed the fuckery and blend minds with each other on a level, that differs for everybody, but can have an insanely high potential of being so mutually beneficial, it's almost un-explainable  If you aren't open to growing and learning from each other  as females - you're missing out.

   Don't get it twisted, I definitely have a general dislike towards females. That being said, I am definitely not so closed off and closed minded that I can't recognize when i'm in the presence of a good woman. With so few broads worth the time a day breathing in this area, when I come across one of those rare types? It's impossible for me to overlook, that shit is rare, like unicorn rare. Because I have experienced this, I am going to dig deep on it, because so many of ya'll are missing the fuck out.

  People say, "the grass ain't always greener on the other side." My stock answer for that is, "The grass is greener on whichever side you're fuckin' watering." ( Feel me? ) Lately, i've been putting forth time, effort, energy, understanding and raw emotion into a quickly appreciated bond with a fellow ovary owner. I can't remember a time where i've been able to meet a female on such intense levels, on so many levels, on childhood shit, on growing up, on so many things. Most women just don't take the time to listen to each other  to learn about each other  to learn FROM each other - they'd rather classify every woman as they do every other woman who has negatively effected them at some point in life. Me? Shit, i've learned a lot about myself this year, but I learned a lot in the last fuckin' week. I wouldn't of been able to make these achievements within myself, had it not of been for her & I's full, factual disclosures to each other and pure honesty, in the interest of, "keepin' it real," and being understood.

   Women can empower each other  and unless you experience it, than you just can't appreciate it. I said yesterday, "Strength is Contagious," and that's because it is. When two grown women can sit together, and drop life stories on each other  and first offer a legitimate hand of understanding? That shit is beautiful. The thing is, so many women don't get to have something like this, because they're too concerned with being judged, and truth be told, most women just aren't up for taking advice from another female, or they let their pride get in the way of listening to each other  Not hearing, but fuckin' listening. I am thankful that I have allowed this new bond into my life, because when you do, you learn so much about yourself, and you get that, through the willingness to bare all, keep it real, have no doors or locks on your mind, and embrace that as females? We been through a lot of the same shit. Women can serve such impacting purposes in each others lives, that it's a shame that more women can't wrap their mind around this. 

   I mean, check it out - I believe that when women create bonds, that it's imperative and so so fuckin' vital, to never slip on each other  The most simple fumble can fuck an otherwise perfect relationship. But, the thing is, is there's never a good reason to destroy such a rare bond, anyway. The older I get, the fewer authentic friendships I have, and the less I even want.  So, in my World, when I actually allow somebody in? That's a big deal. In the last week I have allowed myself to be 100% open to putting everything I am, and her, everything she is, on the table - learning about each other  and from each other  learning about ourselves. I have allowed myself to be effected. Which that's where so many go wrong, in many different kinds of relationships, they refuse to be effected - don't realize that sometimes, letting someone, "get under your skin," is NOT a bad thing, in some cases, it's the BEST thing. I believe in female friendships, where one lacks, the other picks up for them, and vice versa. One's strength can over power, silence and change the other's weaknesses. It sounds really simple, to maintain something like this, and it's not - in order to even embark on a bond like this, you first have to have the uncanny ability to keep it real with yourself. If you can't do that, then you won't be able to experience the empowerment that gets fabulously tossed back and forth in that bond. And if you honestly, don't have the ability to keep it real with yourself, than you aren't in a position to respect the responsibility that comes with appreciating and protecting that bond.

  Basically - there is so much that we, as females, experience, and learn on our own - experiences that mold us, change us, fuck us up & make us better. But, there is this whole other world of experiences, that are deeply emotional, and mind/life altering that you can ONLY get by quite literally allowing yourself to be humble, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and as hard and at most times, risky, you have to allow yourself to trust each other.

Lemme just say? It's been YEARS since i've experienced this. Difference is, now? I'm older, life has happened, so many factors have changed my paths, or switched me back on the right now - and to be real? Both of our willingness to be 100% and both of our appreciation for just how fuckin' rare this type of bond is? Shit, we're blessed - and I strongly suggest for women to never rule out the power they can have on each others lives...

Good Advice.....So, take it.

Blog Time!

Tonight I have decided to request some creative 
juices from my girl, Cassie. So, I asked her to give 
me 3 topics to blog on & they are : 

1 - "Empowering Minds of Women."
2 - "The Power of Lessons Learned."
3 - "Scallywags & TwatWaffles."

So, here I go. 

How To Be a Gangsta.

Clearly, throughout my whole life i've tried to be a little more gangsta, a little mo' thug - get my 2pac ON. Recently, i've been feelin' like i'm on the brink of raisin' my O.G. status to unknown heights, about to make some new gangsta-gangsta fraaaandz, feelin' like i'm finally be gettin' my thuuuug on. 

Here's how it's done....

See, what i'm gunna do first, is be from a small town, with no urban area, whatsoever.
 
"Projects? Like, the ones you do in school?"
No, fool, the housing systems.

Then, i'm going to study my gansta ass off, watchin' music videos, and do what these TV gangsta's be derrrn.

"Yo dawwwwwg, pink is the new G shit. You see dat new Camron joint? Let's go see what pink shirts ya mamzz got."

And only THEN, will I go buy my first pair of URR FORCES and completely misunderstand the POINT OF THE SHOE GAME... hold up, this shit bothers me, so lemme explain...

SHOES:
If you're gunna buy a pair of fresh white shoes. The intention, is to keep them white, if you're on foot patrol, walkin' all damn day, in your fresh whites, then you're retarded, because THEN, you're gunna go try and stunt ( only learning that word on UrbanDictionary.com ) with some gnarly scuffed up, raggedy ass lookin' ( what once were...) whites... Off white with some mud on the side is not gangsta. 

Anyway...

AFTER THAT, i'ma find me a group of people who be feelin' the gangsta in their veins, too. ( There's a profound difference in being uneducated, and being urban or being a gaaangsta. Mmmk.? ) Because see, evidently, from watching this fuckery in my area, these people feel more comfortable in their fuckery, if they have a group of other ingrates who do that same fraudulent shit WITH them.... idiots.... THEN, i'm a find me a yelllla-bone ( and not know what that means ) and WIFE HER UP.... ( Oh God, here I go... )

If you meet a girl who is proud of their hoodrat, 'let's go to jail and be away from my kids for social status,' types? The 'im up in the club 4 nights a week, with babies at home,' types, the 'yeah, i fucked ALL your homies, but I really love you,' types, the 'I don't need a edge-a-ma-kay-shun, i'ma just strip cuz I gotta nice bawwwwdy,' types? RUN. But ONLY if you're trying to be a gangsta, those the types of broads you're gunna need. AND ONLY THEN, what you're gunna need to do, is take the 3 $20 bills you and your homies collectively "hustle & grinded," for, and you need to turn two of them into ones, and put one twenty on the outside, and put it in a "rubber band," because "Yo, mah manz, I saw that shit on T.I's new shit," - take some pictures with your, "ride or dieeeee," peoples, and PUT THAT SHIT ON FACEBOOK..

Because THAT'S GANGSTA...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

This shit has bothered me since I moved here. Bothered me and also, been a source of comedy. Ain't shit cute about how oblivious people are to just how big of a DOUCHE BAG this shit makes them look. Hey, have fun runnin' your hood and "knuckin' if you buck." LOL. 

Point Made. Nuff Said.

"Did I Just Hit Menopause? Bunions?"

"On the Other Side to 30...."

2 Things i've noticed, or have otherwise pissed 
me off, personally, or not, on the road to 30.

Calvin and I constantly notice things that happen in our lives, and even in our opinions, where we're frequently saying, "AH, headin' to 30..." Admittedly, the shit is generally hilarious, and sometimes, it's just things we see, and fuckery that needs to be shared because i'm certain others feel the same way.

___________________________________

"Did I just hit menopause waitin' in line at Walmart?"

I don't know if it's because I straight up despise going to Walmart, or places similar. I don't know if there is some radar that watches me and as soon as I get in line, the heat starts blasting, on some excessive level. I honestly can't tell you. What I can tell you, is it get's MF'er hot, out of nowhere when i'm IN LINE. I don't know if i'm that damn impatient that it causes anger to run through my veins and then soon after I get bitch smacked with a hotflash. I don't know what it is about waiting in line that makes me get so damn heated. ( Not mad, but straight up - temperature. ) It's annoying to me, because I can feel myself get all red faced, and at most times I figure I just got menopause.

"Wait, what the fuck is a bunion? There just isn't anything cute about that life."

Things that used to be funny, aren't. And opinions I used to have, changed. It's called growing up, but check it out, there's a profound difference in, "growing up," and "getting older." Argue with that if you please, but you'll lose. 

Waking up with back aches, your hearing being absolutely not dependable ( got you hearin' shit that doesn't even make sense.. ) Got your face all up in the steering wheel, because you can't see for shit, and are convinced every MF'er has their brights on... they don't. One day noticing a vein that you'd never noticed... ( Which happened to me earlier this year, and all I could think of was those elderly women that got a gang of 'em, and I bet she had a moment when she noticed her 1st crazy protruding vein comin' out her shin bone... I hate that shit. ) The list goes ON... Waking up in the middle of the night otherwise, you, at that age, will have an, "accident," - missing what a "full nights sleep was," - ( Better not be drinking liquid after 7pm, fool! ) Having a severe pain in you foot, googlin' what the fuck it is, learning it's a bunion while you're Mother laughs at you, in a way that just isn't funny to you AT ALL. "The fuck you mean a bunion?"

Anyway, sure, these things come with age. But, uhhhh - some other shit comes with growing up. For example, things that used to be funny to me, especially when it comes to people and their lives, just aren't funny now. I wasn't entirely sure I was capable of empathy, but turns out? I am. I feel bad for people, but not enough to jump on a wagon of excuses they have, with them. It's just, damn, it's gotta suck to have such a mind set. At any rate, I enjoy the changes that have been coming, but the physical ones? Can eat shit.

Point Made.

PSA : Mine.

****PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT****

My friends have always generally appreciated my words of wisdom, fuckery & opinions. I have often been told that I am pretty insightful and should "write a book," or share my crazy thought processes with others. Since shutting my blog down, forever ago, and years of harassment, I took their advice and set this site up. Think of it as a place to share opinions where mine is always heard the loudest and is always right. If you want your opinions heard, or to knock mine? Make your own. Very simple. And really, if my blog bothers you that much, comment or just stop visiting. It's just not that serious. 

Blogggggging!!!

:)

Monday : Dog Shit.

Starting out a Monday by cleaning dog shit off of a 6 year old's sneaker just isn't my idea of a, "good start to the day." However, apart from that, Gabi and I had a really good morning. Generally, we're arguing over what she's going to wear. She's 6.... I don't remember getting options, but that was my childhood. Her's greatly differs from mine. LOL.

My Horoscope Today:

"Your emotions are roiling -- so make sure that you've got the time and energy to take care of them. Things are sure to get better soon, but you've got to find an outlet for all those pent-up feelings."

Ok, first ok - when aren't my emotions roiling? And how do you set aside energy? LOL. Actually, on the emotional front, i'm alright. It's not so much turning frowns upside down, but more like turning frowns into mean mugs. Hey, better than frowning. 

So yesterday I pretty much bugged out in Marietta Walmart. ( Yes, sometimes i'm prone to emotional outbursts. ) Look, I get it. My kid is cute, and people look at her. But there is a profound difference in  admiring her beauty and cuteness, and looking at her like she's fuckin' steak. This creepshow, old ass man - was like, lurking AT her, and I asked her to turn around twice, then I looked at her, and they were staring right at each other  and I lost my shit. Got loud and started with the, "I'll slap the shit outta this man," type stuff. Chest pain, the whole 9. As a parent, especially with a little girl, you've just gotta trust your intuition with this type of stuff. She's 6, and never has anyone made me feel as uncomfortable as that old man did. Straight up, shit will go down, lol. All jokes aside, if that man wouldn't of gotten up and walked away after my outburst and he'd of taken one more look at Gabi, he'd of needed a hip replacement. Woulda figure 4 leg locked that fool. Creepy stuff, and I will never in life tolerate it.

ANYWAY....

Does anyone else watch "Real Housewives of New Jersey,?" Because, ummm, I love that shit. Like, deeply, lol. I'm from New England, so I truly couldn't avoid it if I wanted to. Teresa has got to be the most ignorant woman and I just wonder how these fools don't get violent with her. It could be because she's constantly saying, "I'll sue you," but they all have some decent finances, so someone should take one for the team and roll that bitch lol. Would be GREAT for TV and even better for my personal enjoyment. 

UGHHHHH, Monday.

Wonder what today has in store...

I'll probably blog again later, I feel like I should be watching "Full House," right now, so that's what i'm about to do. 

:) Hope noone else has to clean dog shit this morning.

In the meantime....

So, I always have this little, "thinking session," before I go to sleep. Ah, i'm full of shit, it's never, "little," it's that, "whyyyy am I still thinking about this shit," kinda situation, lol. Anyway, being as there is no switch to shut my mind up, or duct tape to do the trick. I gotta put it somewhere. In fact, this blog ( and past blogs/journals )  has been a revelation to me, well, one revelation after another. I strongly suggest everyone try it, at least once. Privately, or publicly. 

Let's get down on some random musings....

- I've missed out on A LOT of good things in my life. Both good things, and good people. Either by shutting people out, or just being so consumed with insane amounts of bullshit that my focus was so clouded, that I didn't even realize how much life was passing me by. It's never a "feel good," thing to know you literally, watched good things pass. "The beauty of hindsight," right? Ugh. In recent months i've put a lot of focus into the good in my life, and i'm happy to say that i've progressed greatly in that part of my life. Being aware, is something I generally always am. But, there's a difference in being aware of certain chosen things/people, instead of the entire sha-bang. I won't twist that up ever again in this life, I refuse to. I planned on practicing what I preach, long ago and i've been doin' that. So, go me. But, damn - i'm faced with 1 of 2 choices - I can be pissed and salty about what i've missed out on, or I can be elated that my awareness is so on point, that I can see clearrrrly nowwww the raaaain is gone. ( breaking into song is my thing, don't you judge me, lol. ) 

Anyway, I just got lethargic on this blog, lol. Which I find this frequent lethargicness to be utter shit, lol. 

In the meantime, be fearless, fools!

- Courtney.

Types of Dumb Bitches.

Bitches.

( Evidently, it's vital to keep people caught up in excessive messes of drama, in order to avoid people sitting back and assessing why in the fuck and more importantly WHERE in the fuck the drama initially began. I mean, clearly, it's easier to ensure people stay caught up in the "he-said, she-said," that you, yourself instigated, other than ya know, looking honestly at your damn self, accepting responsibility for your actions, chocies and behavior, working on YOUR OWN damn issues, and other such wastes of time. ( Because if you haven't managed to make the most essential changes to yourself by now? You're fucked. )

How do you do it? How do you keep track of all the lies, rationalizations and bullshit? How do you still manage to feel sorry for yourself and attempt to play the fucking martyr? You have really fucked up some relationships. Maxed the drama the fuuuuuck out, played on peoples' pride. Cast yourself as the Victim and/or the Informer. Leaving the role of your faults to the rest of us. ( You know, the ones you colossally fucked over and can't seem to take accountability for, just lettin' everyone else deal with what you've started? Yeah, us, over here. The few you had left? ) I give you little fucking credit - it's not that hard in these parts to ensure people stay caught up in endless triangles and fucking octagons of drama, so that nobody goes back to the Informer - you. Awesome techniques, you've mastered them quite well. It's unfortunate that's like, one of the few things you're good at in life - being fucking drama. So, get out a notebook, bitches - I lost my patience with all of this, and the attention ya'll clearly desire? I'm ready to dish. TAKE NOTES!! 
Dumb Bitches piss me off....

I know, I know, "Courtney, there are so many kinds of dumb bitches in the World, what kind are you actually referring to?"

Ah, well, I will tell you....

Dumb Bitches who Lie ALL THE DAMN TIME:

Listen up!! You may think you're good at this lying thing, ya'll. But, somebody needs to tell you, you truly aren't. Now that i've made you aware of this, check it out - you didn't outsmart anybody. You may have been able to manipulate some, temporarily. That being said, fact remains - you didn't effectively outsmart not one motherfucker. Period. Everybody has known you're a lying sack of shit for years. But, people who developed actual love for you, made the wrong choice to over look it, and when you weren't around, even have conversations about "damn, why do we enable it??" Well, because if anybody challenged your ass, you'd be offended and start on some pity me rant, and unfortunately, people had trusted you over the years, and you've proved time and time again how "loose lips sink ships," and nobody wanted their ships sank by your ass. Fortunately for us, you've made enough mistakes that not many believe you when you're telling the truth. ( Talk about "a child called wolf," or a "pathological liar named _____ ." ) Yeah. For years, we'd watch you tell 2 out of 5 of us, one story. Then, the other 2, a different one, and the last 1 a totally ass backwards version. We all accepted your lyin' ass ANYWAY. You managed to fuck that up because you really thought you were outsmarting people. You weren't.

Dumb Bitches who Claim to be "Grown.":

Sure, we all define "grown," differently. But, no matter which way you fuckin' slice that shit, some of y'alls definitions? Are realistically FALSE, theoretically FALSE and text book FALSE. No, it is NOT grown to not live by "actions speak louder than words." ( Stop actin' like someone you're not, i'll get to that next. ) No, it is NOT grown to not hold yourself accountable for a mistake or assumption YOU made. Nobody forced any motherfucker to assume not a damn thing. No, it is NOT fucking grown to claim to be grown, but them be on some fuckery that we ALL experienced in junior high/high school. NO, it is not GROWN to want to have a physical fight around children. NO, it is NOT grown to not be able to man up. NO, it is NOT grown to avoid admitting your wrong, but instead get angry and want to blame somebody else and toss around threats. "I'm grown, no more talking, I handle business." So many things wrong with that sentence in itself. Seriously. No, it is NOT grown to feel validated as a female, by playing the Tiffany Tough Tits role and just because your general size is bigger than the girl your threatening that somehow makes you feel like a bad bitch. It is NOT grown to not be able to have a conversation about a situation, before jumping to harassing phone calls and fuckery. NO, it is NOT grown to fucking believe every fucking thing you hear. You'd think some of ya'll would be a little more selective. Bottom line? If the same fuckery you're pulling now, is the same order of actions you played out while you were in high school? Please tell me how the fuck that makes you grown? Can't argue with that, can you? Nah, you can't.

Dumb Bitches who Fake the Funk About who they are:

Yo, this is NOT Broadway, this is not a fucking casting call. Cut the bullshit, already. It's PAINFULLY obvious you are NOT who you try to come off as being. It's like, horrifically comical. And also, somebody needs to tell you NOBODY BUYS IT. Again, since I have NOW informed you - check THIS out - words, words, words, words, words BULLSHIT. Since when is SAYING you're something MAKE you something? Nah, it doesn't. You may have newbies fooled, but "this side," of things have known for years that challenging your act, will just cause us to suffer more of your bullshit stories that NEVER happened. ( Like, no you've never been stabbed, no you've never been shot, lol. Fucking hilarious. And just because you were born somewhere? But lives there for 2 in a half seconds? Does NOT mean you can claim that area as "your hood," LMAO. ) Seriously, channel that fuckery towards an acting career. Or hit up a therapist. 


Dumb Bitches who want to say Racist and/or Homophobic Shit:

1, it's 2012 ( & as noted by my BFF ) Calling a grown gay man a fag? Did you really think that was the 1st time that fuckery has been slung at him? You're super original ( & so grown, lmao. ) No, no - it was "retarded fag ass," is what this female said. Yeah, the one that claims to be "so grown." Fucking ridiculous. All I have to say about this topic is it's fucking stupid, it's bullshit. Clearly, ya'll lack the brain capacity to come up with something other than THAT bullshit. Work on that, though. Improve your verbal lashing, because it does nothing for you. 

Dumb Bitches who CANNOT take Accountability:

Fact is, sometimes, we're wrong, and sometimes we make the wrong choices or do stupid shit. For the love of God, Mary & JOSEPH, just admit you're fucking wrong. It's really that simple. If i'm wrong, I can admit it. If I do some fucked up shit, I can own it AND apologize. Trust, that doesn't mean I like to apologize, but I will. Because i'm not blinded by fucking delusional bullshit that i'm high and mighty and can DO NO WRONG. Those of you that are clearly blinded STAY doing wrong, and foul ass shit. And people that matter in the world, will never respect that in a female. ( But ya'll probably already know that whole not being respected bit right? Right. ) 


Dumb Bitches who Whore it out, but want "real love."

This is that shit that makes me laugh, in a horrific kind of way. Like, "hardy har har, bitches -" can you really not see why that "real love," doesn't come your way.... ever? I'll tell you, it's because you're a whore. I mean, well - do whores get paid? Because ya'll don't get paid. So. Hm... whatever the case is, when you parade yourself around a group of guys, cousins, whatthefuckever, volunteering your vagina to straight UP charity case type dudes - you've become, "that girl." None of them will "love you," especially when you're the girl all their friends ran through before they got to you. The decline of females is disgusting  Which brings me to the types of hoes that set out to methodically sabotage relationships by being a whore - you types? I hope you guys rot. That's all I got. LOL. 


________________________________


I'll put it like this, i'm over sittin' around and every fucking day hearing new details to this mess of a situation that ONE solitary bitch started, and another jumped on the band wagon, believing every word like it's fucking gospel - thinking everything and every word is meant for them, when it never was. I'm over bitches thinking that threatening me with physical harm is going to stop me from showing MY face. Nah, go ahead, put your hands on me, if that makes you feel like your ovaries are pumpin'. It will NEVER change the fact that your choices have categorized you as everything I AM NOT, and everything I will NEVER be. I'm good with that, in fact, i'm THANKFUL I can't and never will be able to be classified with ya'll bitches. Period. 

I am THANKFUL that the few in my life love and respect me. I am THANKFUL that I am a female who can admit her wrongs, knows her faults, can man the fuck up, and methodically chooses my words so they don't come and bite me in the ass later. I'm THANKFUL that i've made mistakes and have been able to learn from them, rather than keep making them, and end up with NO DAMN BODY that gives a REAL fuck about me. I'm THANKFUL I don't have to question the validity of the people I CHOOSE to have in my life. I am THANKFUL that the few in my life don't INTENTIONALLY put me into dramatic ass situations and then leave me high and dry to deal with on my own. I am THANKFUL that I can wake up and go to sleep without thinking about ya'lls asses. The attention ya'll wanted, i'm giving you. And this blog will be all this FEMALE will write. Have your hot flashes, get all angry, make your phone calls, hit me up with your threats.

Understand, I am NOT that bitch that will stay quiet for too long while I got ingrates slinging lies and threats my way.  I know MY worth as a female, and  i'm not about to let no dumb ass bitches think they are superior over me, because face the facts, my actions, choices and words? Differ GREATLY from what I noted above. I don't have to prove to no motherfucker what kind of female I am. I don't have to use my words to prove to any bitch that i'm any type of female. The people that KNOW me, KNOW me. I don't gotta prove shit. Sorry that ya'll feel the need to. I don't need to act a fuckin' fool to feel validated by any damn body. Trust that. Unfortunately, if some could carry a grown conversation, with their "grown," asses, this would of NEVER gotten to this point. But no, ya'll wanna keep it on the fucking internet, so here ya go - believe me, if you were capable of having a grown ass sit down, without getting all fucking belligerent and shit? It would of already happened. BUt ya'll done proved ya'll can't.... sad, really. It's gotta suck, waking up, every day, knowing you gotta PROVE yourself to people you don't even know, or haven't known for too long. Instead of building and/or mending shit, ya'll just wanna make it worse, and stay making toxic ass choices. Ya'lls loss all motherfuckin' day. I won't sit here and wish the best for none of ya'll. Nah, i'm all set. Some people cannot be helped, and some people and their UNDESERVED pride cannot be moved out the damn way, for any bit of sense to get through to them. 

I am THANKFUL to be me.
Can I get an AMEN?

Yeah.
In the unlikely event you feel that you can have a grown conversation to effectively deal with any of the drama? Hit me up. If you feel that you can hold yourself accountable for what you've allowed this to become? Hit me up. If you can define "grown," differently, and speak NOTHING but the truth? Hit me up. But, uhhh, I doubt it, and if not? I could give a fuck. Ya'll types aren't the types I want in my present or future, and I definitely don't want my daughter around this type of fuckery. I refuse to have these types in my circle, anyway. So, we can all agree to disagree. But, those that aren't completely oblivious to life? Were already aware of everything I just said, trust me - I know for a fact. So, while ya'll continue trying to prove and plead your cases? Understand NOBODY buys it, you're just tolerated until you don't have to be anymore. I will gladly take these FACTS down, as soon as my name stops being slung around, it can get worse. My verbal swag is something ya'll could never compete with, or respond to, legitimately. Another fact. Deal with it, if you don't want this type of attention, then STOP WITH THE FUCKERY ALREADY, let that shit DIE - believe me, as soon as ya'll stop with the excessive fucking lame bullshit? The rest will cease too. Yes, that would mean this attention for ya'll would stop to, and you wouldn't be as relevant  but THAT IS OKAY. I'd commend ya'll for making that choice. Again, hit me up with questions and or concerns. 

Or don't.

Baby Lakyn!

I love her! Congrats Cassie! Love you both!!!!

More pictures soon!

3 Lessons I wish i'd learned earlier in life.

3 Lessons I wish i'd learned earlier in life.

1 - Your Credit Score.

    I think one of my many awesome suggestions for child molding, should involve some knowledge and well, some fear about *dun dun dunnnnn* CREDIT. I mean, let's be serious. A good percentage of teenagers are like, "So, you're going to give me this card, with this limit, and I can walk out with this TA-DAY? GettttTheFuckOuttaHeaaaa." LOL. I think if, as kids, it's drilled into their minds how so very important keeping your credit straight IS, then that would really help 'em out in the future. Because once it's fucked, it's really just not an easy task to fix. Shit, I think it should be mandatory in schools to learn about it, early on, and throughout school. Hey,l just a suggestion. But, it's something I wish I knew and feared years ago. I've never had a credit card ( and let's thank Jesus for that. ) but i've done my store card shit, and it wasn't a good idea. 

2 - "How they treat you, is how they feel about you."


     They say everyone deserves 2nd chances. And well, no, they actually don't. Not for everything. See, yes, people make mistakes, and in life, or jobs, and choices, in a lot of cases, yes you do deserve a 2nd chance, as long as you're willing to make changes, chances should definitely be readily available, BUT - when it's chances you're giving to another person who has exhibited pure recklessness TOWARDS your life? No, they just don't. No, it's not "3 strikes you're out," it's "Well, ya fucked that up." People just don't go around hurting eachother on accident. We're adults. It's a choice, it's a choice to put yourself in a position to do so. If they keep treating you like shit, then that's purely how they feel about you. Words mean shit. Actions always speak volumes much higher than the bullshit that can be spewed from the mouths of others. "Why do they treat me so badly?" Because they want to. They choose to, and that's that.

3 - Trust, the right way.

    For SO LONG I was the person, like many others, who would say, "i'll trust you, until you give me a reason not to." Well, that's all wrong. Years ago, I realized it's "I don't trust you, until you give me a reason TO trust you." It just works way better. If I would of adapted to this thought process way before I did, it would of truly avoided me so much fuckery, I can't even BE-GIN to tell you just how much shit i'd of avoided. In fact, just trusting people, is one of the most ridiculously careless things to do! ( Yeah i'm over here sounding like i've got some trust issues, and best fuckin' believe, I got 'em. I own it, and i'll keep 'em. ) Learning it earlier in life would of definitely benefited my future, on all ends.


_____________________

Well, that's all I got this morning.
Gunna go play some Bingo and figure my weekend out.
Enjoy it, all!

Intuition? Fuuuck.

"Don't call it, "intuition," when really, it's just you being able to recognize a continuing pattern of ultimately what, "always," does happen. Calling it, "intuition," will otherwise take from what intuitive abilities you may already have....."

^^^ I started that the other day, and got straight up writers block... lol. I knew it was heading somewhere, but I went completely blank. The tables keep turning, far too frequently lately, it's so weird. I mean, i'm on the better side of the table, but still - I embrace change and everything, but so much at once has kept me with a lingering fucking headache, and I have to literally force myself to stop thinking so negatively. It is what it is, is some easy shit to say, but meaning it? I can't. 

I'm extremely fed up, with so many aspects of my life, and even "daydreaming," on the changes I will make, pisses me off. Because damn it, the emotional side of things has a fucking death grip on my movements right now, well - has for... longer than I care to admit. How do you shut that shit the fuck off?

Anyway, quick rant - Gotta get my child from school.

Today can already kiss my ass. But, i'm sure she'll make it better.

Reality. Do you have a grip on it?

It's Monday Morning.... I got some B12, B6 & caffeine in my system....

So much on my mind.... & it's BLOG time.... 

Sometimes remaining in denail is just easier. 

....I mean, literally. So, turns out, I guess empty faith leads to being in denial, and the comfort in the "hope," you let yourself have during denial can lead directly into a clusterfuck. That clusterfuck then turns the denial into mirror mode ( eventually....) , and when you see everything for what it is, it's seriously the biggest bitch smack from reality ever. Rarely do I blog about, "love," issues, because - "eh." ( yeah, that's all I got, "eh," lol. ) But this Monday on the 1st of fucking October? It's that kind of day for a rant from hell.

I may be terminally single. And i'm alright with that, to some extent anyway. Most extents really. Luckily for me, I don't need to have a man in my corner to feel validated in life. I may be called bitter, and I am. I may be called a bitch, and I definitely am - but what I am NOT being called anymore is stupid, naive, oblivious, passive, baby, dear, hun, blind OR a fuckin' doormat. And that alone works for me, lol. I'm definitely a "relationship driven," female. I'd rather build something with somebody, then waste time on 2 weeks here with that guy, and two weeks there with the other guy ( *cough/cough* you indecisive whores, lol. ) Thing is, relationships? The often fail. Maybe if people would of had their heads massaged with a damn brick, got enlightened by electroshock therapy or simply kept their lane closed off to the many, many true wastes of a female reproductive system, then maybe shit would be different. Gabi validates my existence, a relationship doesn't, and I can't LET a relationship with any damn body, other than my child, define SHIT about me.

And being single, as in, literally, noone, nothing, nada - is good for the soul. I'm not anti-relationships, believe that, i'm not - but i'd rather believe in the gnarly ugly and repulsive truth, than the beautiful lies/delusions right now. My day will come..... maybe. But my breath is definitely NOT being held. Refusing to, "settle for less," anymore essentially slams the door shut on possibilities of love & all things mushy. Again, i'm okay with that, too. FACT is, whores are PLENTIFUL and lies are still too common. Two things that never seem to change. There is always some disgusting excuse for a female, ready, willing and excited to homewreck and always that guy, who acts like he was manipulated, or accidently fell into some vagina. What happened to accountability? Because lately? I've seen NONE. I can admit, i've been a love starved cow settling for that type of fuckery. Allowing it into my life, for a very long time, on different levels. My forgiveness and chances just aren't in my vocabulary anymore. "How they treat you, is how they feel about you."  That type of fuckery is that kind of shit that has the potential to destroy the progress i've made with MYSELF. Letting these types of situations continually occur within the walls of MY World, could literally sabotage every step forward i've made since January. And um, no - I can't allow that to happen. I can't allow anybody to play that kind of power position in my life, because it's so risky, and not worth losing who I am over.

Thing is, I shouldn't have to feel like I have to build walls, against the actions the ones I love in my life, choose to take. That just isn't right, it's not kosher, and I just can't.

I've been so selective this year, and with my life and choices in general. I'm focusing on Gabi, my future and my friendships more than anything. I no longer am recycling people in and out of my life on the regular. I have my few consistent few. The bona fide - I have those in my life. I am thankful. I've been having the, "he said/she said," crap thrown at me lately, from various sources about how i've been distant, or withdrawn from them, or the, "Is Courtney mad at me?" type stuff. What it boils down to is this - the older I get, and the more experiences i've had with people, i've come to the conclusion that there is absolutely no point in filling your life with non-purpose serving individuals, with energy draining antics from people not willing to help themselves, with people who only desire communication with me for advice they never take, or hitting me up hoping that i'll explosively take care of their drama. People, I have hardly ANY drama ( Let's every one of us, have a moment of silence for me being able to factually say that shit! )

Don't get me wrong, stupid shit presents itself to me, but it's not my choices bringing the fuckery into my lane. Anyway, I don't want people in my bubble who conform and act submissive, don't express themselves, don't even have it in them to be their own advocate for their lives and prefer misery over change. I can't play, "Dr.Phil," for people anymore - i've been taking care of ME and my mind set ALL YEAR, and literally, I can't really help anybody to change their lives, they have to want it.

And most times, I'm trying to convince people that their better than they're treating themselves, and it's almost like, they know i'll be the positivity they need, only to turn around and take none of my advice and then weeks/months later, think i'm going to hold them down when they find themselves in another self-induced miserable situation. I CAN'T. I can only have people in my life that have ambition. Spending time with people that have no ambition and absolutely no drive to succeed in life? Never a good idea, because you wind up turning into that in certain ways, and again, it's something too fuckin' risky. I have zero interest. If one can't accept that, feel real fuckin' free to vacate the premises. Trust me, I don't want or need anyone elses apparently embraced negativity. Especially, when it's taken me years to come to grips with the mistakes i've made towards my own life, with myself accepting so much negativity - I can't offer you anything more, I won't confine myself to anything less - I am who I am, and I can't let stupid shit in.

As an adult... Hm... No, as an adult progressing her way through life after hitting the "reset," button at the start of the year - I just do not authorize any damn thing or person to negatively and intentionally do and/or bring filthy shit and situations in my World, or my kids' World. The former version of myself? Has long been discontinued. ( Thank Jesus. ) Initially, it wasn't a walk in the damn park to make the necessary changes in my life happen - but omg, discarding the excess baggage and it's excess bullshit has done AMAZING things for me, and my mind - and really, my life as a whole. I'm definitely on some new shit, some up-to-date shit, standards raised shit. HOWEVER, the one part of my life I can just never get a damn grip on, is love. But, I became "blahzay," just talking about love. GAHHH-BAAAGEEE.

- Reality. Do you have a grip on it? Or do you prefer the blamer's lifestyle, or the 'cantholdyourselfaccountableforamotherfuckinthing' mentality? People are ridiculous. But honestly? It's not my place to clown on these assclowns. Because even though i've never actually been an assclown, such as they are - i've surely been farrr from reality, many times, and been both naive and oblivious to some of the most obvious things. Again, never an assclown, lol. People are so, so mindless with the choices they make, we're all guilty of doing it at different points in our life, with our experiences. But, mindless, is definitely something that I no longer am. Reality? That's where my head is. Certain aspects of my life right now? Damn. Greater fucktaciousness I have NEVER experienced in my life, other than these certain aspects. But I am DETERMINED to make damn sure that every single thing that happens in my life, goes through a lengthy filtration system before having any ability to effect, change or alter my life/day and/or mood. Holding myself to the same standards i'm holding the people in my life to. You have to protect your life, your emotions, your future, your mental capacity. You can't fill your life with things and people who don't matter, and don't even matter to themselves. It's unhealthy and nobody is worth backsliding for, especially when you're a parent.

"Where must one go to find it? 

Time is real, we can't rewind it. 

Out of everyone I've met, 

who told the truth?

Time did." --Common.

"They play it safe; 

are quick to assassinate what they do not understand. 

They move in packs, 

ingesting more and more fear with every act of hate on one another. 

They feel most comfortable in groups...

less guilt to swallow. 

They are US. This is what we have become. 

Afraid to respect the individual...

A single person within a circumstance can move on to change...

to love herself... to EVOLVE." 

-- Erykah Badu.

__________________________________________-

Anyway. I'll be blogging more frequently now, because I feel like i'm going to be embarking on some networking sooner than later, just to see if I still got it. It's not a "different chapter," for me, it's a whole new book. I'm scared, excited, hurt, content, confused, proud, bitter and optimistic. Yes, a clusterfuck. But, I know me, and I know i'll find my way, and be released from the little bullshit I have left to work through, and i'll be victorious. I will prevail and I don't need anybody to tell me that, because I know I will. 

Oh, and i'm trying to get one of my friends "Deb," to start a blog. She would be such a fabulous blogger. So I am going to start getting back on blog rolls, to promote my blog and hopefully hers. SHOUTOUT TO YOU MZ.DEB <3

- Courtney.

Random Pic Drop!

#SayWord

"Magic Mirror," App.

Pro version recommended.

RIP Brandy Adams.

- I was up for about 2 seconds when my Mom called, telling me about Brandy's murder. I'm horrified by it. I refuse to sit here and go into full detail about her business. But, what I will say is there is a way to have compassion for her friends and family during this horrible time, and then, there's a way to be a fucking rigid asshole. It turns my stomach reading how people are responding to her murder, blaming her history, blaming her mistakes. She was 25. Fucking 25, and more importantly, a Mother! "It wasn't murder, it was an overdose." How fucking stupid are you, people? She didn't climb into that trunk to OD. Let's be fuckin' real. Ah, I can't stay on this topic. It breaks me heart, it really does. Just understand, I am not the one to even hit up about Brandy, if all you're going to do, is be insensitive about it. Today is a sad day. Hug your kids, tell the people in your life that you love them, because Brandy can't. We can. Rest in Peace, mama. <3 br="br">
http://www.newsandsentinel.com/page/content.detail/id/565428/Police-release-identity-of-body.html?nav=5061

Some Positivism.

Time for some positivity.....

I'm the first to admit that in the past i've been no good at being decisive and smart about the people in my life. No, not everyone deserves a chance, lol. This year, I must say - I am proud of myself. For years i'd say, "Quality over Quantity," but my life was populated with a large quantity of people with no fuckin' quality, at all. Now? Now I got it like that. I didn't just tighten up, "my circle," I strangled that shit, and can count the people I authentically consider "few true," on one hand. It makes life so much better not having to second guess or be a skeptic about the people in it. To that, I say, "HAAAA-LAYYY-LOOOO-YUHHH." :)

Time for some random list shit.....

- Sons of Anarchy is on tonight, and truly, i'm pumped.

- I had one of the best girl talks i've had in a long time last night. <3

- I'm shocked by how well i've been reacting to shit, lately. Go me.

- Did Chad "Ocho," Johnson really plead "Not Guilty?" smh.

- Today I made an account on Amazon.com & in the post below

is the deals i've found myself. :) It really may develop into an issue.

Ok, well, I just realized I want to write a separate blog

about some non-positive stuff, LOL. So, yeah...

here I go.. ( blog obviously above this one. )

- Courtney.....

Amazon Love!

Amazon could wind up being a problem for me, lol.

Random Musings.

Some Random Shit:

- Can I just get a quick AMENNNN because "Sons of Anarchy," is back on? Geez. That wait was atrocious. Opie and Jax Teller? Awwww chit. I think I may be developing a problem with it, though, honestly. They just HAD to put it on, "On Demand," so i've watched it 3 times though. It premiered last night at 10p. Hey, there's worse things. That I am sure of.

- I'm losing tolerance as far as being the friend that listens. Sounds shitty, it is. I just can't bring myself to give that much of a fuck about peoples bullshit situations they put themselves in. We all do it, but must you bitch about the same damn shit, every damn time we speak? SMH. I just can't.

- Gabi is doing well in school. First grade! I don't recall doing math on that level in first grade. But THAT was the early 90s. Glad the education system has stepped it up. I'm lucky she's so smart. I'd hate for her to ever struggle in school.

- I go hard at Song Pop. If you don't know what it is, you're just not a G.

- Basketball Wives LA, whaaaaat? Excited.

- Apparently, I lack a life, which translates into a defining enjoyment of TV shows.

Again there could be worse things.....

- Things are still looking up - bumps in the road, but whatever, they're just bumps.... they get ran over, and evidently they get RAN THROUGH... ha, smut. :)

- I can't believe it's almost October. Holy craaaap.

:)

More Pics!

<3

Pik-Chaaaaa Shit.

Because I can.

Best kid ever.

<3

"I'd cap that," great app!

Truuuuuth!!!

Gotta love instagram!!!!